The Importance of Having Our Grief Witnessed

We often think of grief as the deep anguish we experience following the death of a loved one. But it is important to note that loss through death is not the only source of grief. We may also experience grief in response to other types of loss or change, such as the loss of a romantic partnership or friendship, moving away from our community or family, and as we become empty nesters. Chronic illness, mental health challenges, and addiction (our own or others’) may also leave us grieving. We may grieve the loss of the life we once had, the version of ourselves we once were, and/or the future we imagined. Big changes, even the ones we plan for, can leave us feeling unsettled and lost and this impacts not only our sense of self but also the way in which we engage with those around us. 

Grief is a Natural Response to Loss

After a big change or loss, we may feel uncertainty, or even some reluctance, to begin processing the impacts. Besides, it can be so hard to know what steps to take to begin healing. It is important to remember that grief is a normal human response to loss. And, though unique to each person, many people experience feelings of numbness, emptiness, and/or shock, confusion, guilt, and/or anger. Over time, and with support, a shift toward acceptance may be felt and following this, you may begin to find a new sense of meaning and purpose in your life. It’s so hard to consider finding meaning or purpose when you are deep in your grief but there is hope. 

What are the Symptoms of Grief?

Grief can show up in a variety of ways which impact our everyday lives. As mentioned above, the process of grieving looks different from person to person. Here are some of the more common symptoms you may experience while grieving:

• Anger

• Anxiety 

• Depression

• Fatigue

• Overwhelm

• Feeling “outside of your body”

• Regret or guilt

• Hopelessness

• Lack of concentration

• Numbness 

• Panicky feelings (that can come on suddenly)

• Rumination 

• Sadness/Despair

You may find you experience many of these emotions at the same time or you may find they come and go, in waves.  The grief process is not a linear one. Nor can it be rushed. Honour the pace that feels right for you. 

Your Grief Journey Belongs to You

Remember, it takes time to go through the complex and often surreal process of grief. You may feel like the people around you are moving on without you. You may even get the sense that they expect you to “move on” or “get over it.” Try not to give too much value to what other people expect of you. What matters most is tending to what you do need which may look different from day to day (even minute to minute).  As a society, we are generally uncomfortable talking about death and loss with one another. On top of that, offering space for our own and other’s painful emotions may not come naturally to everyone. But that doesn’t mean you should keep the pain to yourself. Your pain is valid, and it deserves to be witnessed. 

Your Grief is Your Own, But Don’t Face it Alone

It is important to remember your grief process is yours. It belongs to you. It is not to be placed on anyone else’s timeline or experienced based on the expectations of others. Every aspect of your grief journey has value, so try not to brush your guilt, fear or anger under the rug. All your emotions play an important role in your healing. Having these harder emotions witnessed and validated by others can be powerful and transformative to your healing. On the other hand, keeping these emotions to yourself— holding back because you sense others are not open or able to hear you— can leave you feeling even more isolated in your grief.  

Grief expert David Kessler says, to move through grief, it must be witnessed. Sharing your grief with others can help you process and heal. Joining a grief support group may be a meaningful way to connect with others during this vulnerable time, helping you feel less alone while offering you a safe space to share and witness some of the harder-to-express aspects of your loss. One-on-one therapy can also be a great support during the grief process. Your therapist can offer a safe space to share, reflect on, and consolidate your feelings and experiences. Consistent support and a safe witness can be of great benefit when grieving. 

If you are considering one-on-one therapy, we have some wonderful therapists here at Counselling & Co., who have a special interest in, and additional training for, working with grief.  Contact info@counsellingandco.com for more information.